As the owner of a retired racing greyhound, and not being opposed to the occasional adult beverage, I was semi-thrilled to discover there’s such a thing as a Greyhound cocktail. Here’s the mixology on it, if you’re feeling like a fruity-refreshing summer drink for patio sipping:

I’m only semi-thrilled to learn about the Greyhound Cocktail, though, because I also discovered that there are quite serious (as in, potentially life-and-liver-threatening) possible interactions with medications and grapefruit juice — and grapefruit juice is a key ingredient in the Greyhound cocktail. Guess I’ll just have to stick with the (admittedly delightful) company of a long tall dog, instead of a long tall beverage! But, you know, you could have one for me if you’re so inclined…

Related posts:

1. Remember Your Dream for Your Life
2. Swiffer Wet Jet and Pets
3. Summer Iced Tea

Mmmm… Chris Perrin is back this month with his recipe for Braised Asian Lemon Seitan to make you tastebuds do a Happy Dance, while you feel all healthy and full of nutritional virtue! When our favourite certified cook isnt busy serving up veg*n goodies at DomestikGoddess.com, Chris writes for BIAO Magazine, food-blogs at Blog Well Done, and is working on his own vegan cookbook. Enjoy!   ~ Jen

Braised Asian Lemon Seitan

Braising is one of my favorite cooking techniques. It’s a wonderful way to get a bunch of flavor into a dish and it’s really simple. The good news is that seitan, my favorite vegan meat replacement, with its firm texture, stands up to braising extremely well. In fact, a good braise can loosen the sietan, make it more receptive to the juices you’re cooking it in, and improve the overall texture.

For those not familiar with the term braising, it means cooking food partially submerged in a flavorful liquid. The most important part is the “partially submerged”. The food is not completely covered by cooking liquid (that’s boiling or stewing). Instead, the food is usually covered half way so that the bottom is in the liquid, while the top is exposed to the air. The second most important part is “flavorful liquid” because whatever you are cooking will absorb the tastes of the liquid in which it’s cooked. Good braising liquid makes for a great braised dish. We’re going to use that to our advantage!

Photo: moria

Ingredients

3 tablespoons olive oil (divided)
1 package seitan
1 lemon, juiced and zested
6 green onions
1 medium onion, diced
1 green pepper, diced
1 carrot, diced
2 tablespoons low sodium soy sauce or tamari
1 tablespoon dark soy sauce (can substitute regular)
1 tablespoon Sichuan bean paste
8 tablespoons broth*

*Depending on the size of your pot, you may need more or less broth. The key is that the food is only covered halfway with liquid.

Put two tablespoons of olive oil in a high sided skillet over high heat and wait for the oil to get hot. Add the seitan and lemon juice and cook 5-6 minutes per side. Sauteing the seitan first gives it a better flavor and improves the texture after the braise. Remove the seitan from the pan and set aside.

Cut the greens of the green onions into 2 inch pieces and finely slice the whites of the green onions.

Put the final tablespoon of olive oil in the skillet, turn down the heat to medium-high, and let it get hot. Once hot, add the diced onions, green pepper, carrot, and the whites of the green onion. Saute until the green onions turn soft, maybe 5-6 minutes. Then add the green onion and cook for 30 seconds.

Add the soy sauce, dark soy sauce, bean paste, lemon zest, and the seitan. Then start adding the broth. You should need about 8 tablespoons, but pour slowly to make sure the food is only half covered. Mix well.

Cover the skillet and let the liquid come to a boil. Cook uncovered for 3-4 minutes after that and then flip. Cook for another 3-4 minutes.

Serve in a nice bowl over rice or noodles and enjoy!

For more of what is going in Chris’ lunchbox, on his dinner table, and on his party menus, as well as thoughts on food and culture, food in the media, and even the occasional recipe featuring meat, check out Chris’ food blog, Blog Well Done.

Related posts:

1. Vegan Goes Cajun: Seitan Jambalaya
2. Vegan Reuben: A Tasty Classic Gone Meatless
3. Miso Eggplant Bowls

What could be better on a cold winter night than hot Cajun? This month, our certified cook Chris Perrin offers his recipe for a Seitan Jambalya to warm you from the inside out! When he’s not feeding veg*n goodies to us here, Chris writes for BIAO Magazine, food-blogs at Blog Well Done, and is working on his own vegan cookbook. Enjoy!   ~ Jen

Seitan Jambalaya

I have been on a real Cajun kick recently and for some reason, I cannot seem to stop making jambalaya. Since I’ve made it a habit to share my culinary obsessions on DomestikGoddess.com, I see no reason not to talk jambalaya! So today, we are headed to the bayou, but it will be a vegan bayou, thanks to our good friend seitan.

Still, the key to making this dish work, though, is not my favorite use for wheat gluten, but rather liquid smoke. Traditionally, most Cajun food is made with andouille, a smoked sausage, which blesses whatever it is cooked in with a slightly smoky flavor. Until we can find a good source of ready-made smoked seitan, we need to fake that andouille flavor and liquid smoke is just the thing to do it. Still be careful with it. Liquid smoke is potent stuff and a little bit goes along way.

Ingredients:

Photo: RBerteig

2 tablespoons olive oil
1 package commercial seitan
1 teaspoon liquid smoke
1 tablespoon + 1 teaspoon black pepper
1 onion, diced
3 stalks of celery, diced
1 green pepper, diced
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 cup, white rice or cooked brown rice
1/2 can of tomato sauce
1 teaspoon cayenne
2 cups veggie stock
Salt to taste

Add the olive oil to a skillet and let it get warm. Add the seitan, 1 tablespoon of black pepper, and the liquid smoke and cook, stirring occasionally, until the seitan browns. This should take about 3 minutes.

Remove the seitan. Add the onions, celery, green peppers, and garlic. Cook until the onions are soft, about 5 minutes.

Add the rice and toast for a minute. Then add the tomato sauce, cayenne pepper, and the remaining black pepper and continue cooking for another 2 minutes. Finally, add the veggie stock and cook covered for 25 minutes or until the rice is cooked and has absorbed all the liquid.

After the rice is done, add the seitan back to the dish and stir to incorporate. Cook until the seitan is warm, about 3 minutes.

For more of what is going in Chris’ lunchbox, on his dinner table, and on his party menus, as well as thoughts on food and culture, food in the media, and even the occasional recipe featuring meat, check out Chris’ food blog, Blog Well Done.

Related posts:

1. Braised Asian Lemon Seitan
2. Vegan Reuben: A Tasty Classic Gone Meatless
3. Miso Eggplant Bowls

Is there such a thing as a non-tasty shortbread cookie?
We think not!

But when you make these sweet delights with brown sugar and cinnamon… ah, that takes the classic shortbread to a whole new level of yummy.

Shortbreads can be frozen in air-tight plastic containers, to be pulled out later when company comes over unexpectedly — but don’t count on having any cookies left over to freeze unless you make a double batch.

Brown Sugar Cinnamon Shortbread Cookies

1 cup butter, softened
1 cup (dark) brown sugar
1 tsp vanilla extract
2 cups white flour
1/2 cup cornstarch
1 tsp cinnamon (or more, to taste)
icing sugar (optional)

Preheat your oven to 350°F, and line a couple of baking sheets with parchment paper.

(Yes, you’ll want to use parchment paper — it helps to keep the cookies from browning too much on the bottom. Did you know that you can use parchment paper more than once, sometimes even a couple of times? True. And if you’re out of parchment paper, you can substitute waxed paper instead — not quite as good, but it will work in a pinch.)

Cream together the butter, brown sugar, and vanilla, beating until it’s very light and fluffy. Beat in the flour, cornstarch, and cinnamon until it’s all well-blended into cookie dough.

(For some reason, my corn starch always seems to have tiny lumps in it, so I like to put it through a sieve on its way into the mixing bowl.)

Form the cookie dough into 3/4″ balls between your (clean!) hands and place them on the lined cookie sheet. They can go quite close together because the cookies don’t tend to spread out very much as they bake. Flatten the balls — just a little, just enough so they don’t roll — using the bottom of a glass or the heel of your hand.

Bake in the preheated oven for 10 minutes, then remove from the baking sheet and cool them on a wire rack.

Optional: when the shortbreads are cool, dust them lightly with icing sugar. This is something I don’t usually bother to do, except when I’m trying to be fancy, but it does makes them feel and taste a bit like cinnamon-enhanced polvarones (only a lot less work).

This recipe makes about 40-50 ladylike little cookies.

Related posts:

1. Cinnamon Cookies
2. Melt-in-Your-Mouth Mexican Cookies
3. Easy Old-Fashioned Cinnamon Rolls

Comfort food! Today, our favourite food writer Chris Perrin offers a vegan version of the classic Reuben sandwich, along with a recipe for vegan Thousand Island dressing… If you’ve been following his tasty contributions here each month, you’ll know that Chris has a cook’s certification from the Kansas City Culinary Institute, writes for BIAO Magazine, food-blogs at Blog Well Done, and is working on his own vegan cookbook. Enjoy!   ~ Jen

Vegan Reuben: A Tasty Classic Gone Meatless

Lately, I have been on a sandwich kick which is a bit odd because before being veg, I took sandwiches for granted. They were everyday fare, something to grab on a busy day when I needed to shovel something quick. But now lunch meat is no longer a viable option, you know, because of the meat and all, and vegetarian sandwich slices are still a little ways off.

Sometimes, I just miss a good hearty sandwich piled high with fixings.

Fortunately, where there is a will, there is a way and even without meat there can still be sandwiches. All I need is a little ingenuity, a little planning, and two packages of good ol’ seitan.

Vegan Rueben

This motivation to make this sandwich actually grew out a craving for sauerkraut which sounds as just as weird as it was. The only problem in making it is the lack of any sort of faux corned beef. The good news is that corning some seitan is an easy process, but it does take over night. Still that means if you get to corning now, you can be having tasty reubens tomorrow!

Vegan Corned Beef

To make corned beef, all you need to do is a make brine (salted water) and soak the seitan in it over night. If you have real meat, just triple the water, brown sugar and salt and soak the meat for 3-14 days instead of overnight. Also, add some saltpeter if you have it or the meat will not be that lovely pink color.

6 cups of water
1 tablespoon brown sugar
1 tablespoon salt
1 tablespoon black peppercorns
1 teaspoon cloves
3-5 bay leaves
1 tablespoon juniper berries
1 teaspoon paprika
1 teaspoon thyme
1 tablespoon all spice powder
2 packages of seitan

Pour all ingredients except the seitan into a pot and boil for five minutes. Set aside to cool.

Pour the brine into a plastic bowl and add the seitan. Put into the refrigerator overnight to brine.

(See, that was easy, wasn’t it?)

Vegan Reuben

The following recipe makes 16 sandwiches.

Once the seitan is ready, it is time to make the sandwich. Reubens are pressed sandwich so make sure you have a skillet and something you can set on top of the skillet (consider a second skillet) and something with some weight to it (usually a few cans of beans or veggies.)

2 packages corned seitan
16 slices of rye bread
8 tablespoons of vegan thousand island dressing (see below) or Dijon mustard
16 slices vegan Swiss cheese
8 tablespoons of sauerkraut
8 tablespoons of olive oil

Heat oven to 350°F. Lay the seitan out on a cookie sheet and bake for 15-20 minutes. Let the seitan cool.

Layout all 16 slices of bread and coat each with half a tablespoon of vegan thousand island or Dijon mustard. Add the seitan to one half and the vegan Swiss on the other. Put the sauerkraut on the top of the cheese and fold the sandwich. (By the way, order does matter.)

Bring a skillet to heat over a medium high flame. Coat with 1 tablespoon of olive oil. Place two sandwiches in the skillet and top with a second skillet or cookie sheet and then put a weight on the second skillet. Cook for 1-2 minutes and then flip. Cook for another 1-2 minutes and remove the sandwiches.

If you are not vegan and you are using real Swiss cheese, make sure that the Swiss melts. Vegan Swiss cheese takes forever to melt, so just make sure the sandwich is heated all the way through.

Once the first set of sandwiches is done, wait about a minute for the skillet to get hot before repeating for the second set of sandwiches. Repeat until all reubens are done.

Serve with fries or chips and you will never miss regular reubens again. Oh, you will also end all your sauerkraut cravings!

Vegan Thousand Island Dressing

When it comes to reubens, I am a mustard fan, but I know a lot of people like their Thousand Island dressing. Here is a recipe using vegenaise, which is a mayonnaise replacement made from canola oil.

1/2 cup veganaise
6 ounces of tomato sauce
1 tablespoon vegan sugar
1 tablespoon rice wine vinegar
1/2 teaspoon salt
4 tablespoons sweet pickles, finely diced
2 teaspoons sweet pickle juice

Blend all ingredients in a bowl until well incorporated.

For more of what is going in Chris’ lunchbox, on his dinner table, and on his party menus, as well as thoughts on food and culture, food in the media, and even the occasional recipe featuring meat, check out Chris’ food blog, Blog Well Done.

Related posts:

1. Pumpkin Panini and Apple-Seitan Sandwich
2. Vegan Goes Cajun: Seitan Jambalaya
3. Braised Asian Lemon Seitan

Sea salt, great big crystals of sea salt, are sprinkled across the luscious sweet dark surface of my chocolate caramels!

Okay, I’ll admit, when my Christmas treat bag arrived from President’s Choice on Friday, I had some doubts.

Caramel, good.
Dark chocolate, fabulous.
Sea salt, very nice in its place.

But all of those put together?

What craziness is this?

Not so crazy, as it turns out. In fact, it’s just about the perfect taste combination for those of us who love both salty and sweet treats. My tastebuds have decided. And the chocolate box is empty.

If you’ve been around Domestik Goddess for a while, you’ll know I’m a huge fan of the inventive PC food products put out by Loblaw’s grocery chain. You may also be aware that the PC Healthy Eating Challenge helped me drop 10 pounds in a month — which has stayed off, by the way — though I make no guarantees about that from this point on, now that they’re tempting me with chocolate! (And we’re not even going to talk about the dark chocolate peppermint candy cane bark. Not. One. Word.).

So anyway, bottom line — I was more than happy to give the salty chocolate concept a fair taste-test… Sold!

So here’s what I’m thinking now:

A quick and fairly light sweet dessert for the holiday season, when you’re doing a lot of heavy eating in the normal round of visiting and entertaining — and you’ve been doing so much baking, the idea of putting together a dessert leaves you weak at the knees — who wants to cook more?

Just throw together a nice fruit plate, with those little tangerines that are in season right now, with green seedless grapes, slices of kiwi, maybe a few chunks of fresh pineapple and melon. Add a few of these salty-sweet chocolates (delightfully upscale for something you can just pick up at the grocery store, I might add!) and there you have it!

Related posts:

1. Chocolate for Lunch
2. Shoes and Chocolate
3. Quick Fancy Desserts

Photo: _nur

You know all these cans of vegetable broth lined up on the supermarket shelves? — a quick way to start a soup, or make a sauce, or juice up a simple casserole, sure enough. But while the convenience factor is tempting, I’ve never actually broken down and bought a can.

Why?

Because some things are thrifty, and some things are easy, but to go out and buy something in a can makes no sense to me (or my wallet) when you can get the same thing cheaper and just as easily, right in your own kitchen. Bonus, no extra packaging waste to burden poor Mother Nature!

Here’s the thing: You already know that the best way to cook vegetables is to use as little water as possible, right? That keeps all the vitamins and other nutritional goodies from getting washed away. Roasting, stir-frying, steaming — these are all great ways to cook your veggies.

But sometimes, you’ve just gotta boil. Mashed potatoes, just for one example. Or to cook carrots that will be mushy enough to make a batch of Becca’s Uber-fabulous Carrot Souffle, for another example…

So here’s what I do — a kitchen tip I picked up from my ultra-frugal mother, and her mother before her.

Make you own vegetable broth!

Instead of draining away the water you use to boil the vegetables, simply save it in a plastic container and pop it in the freezer. Save your vegetable cooking water for a few meals’ worth — any vegetables will do, the cooking water can pretty much all go in together — and you’ve got yourself a stash of vegetable broth to pull out, thaw, and cook with the next time you want to make wonderful homemade soup or a casserole dish.

Related posts:

1. 7 Suppers with One Chicken
2. Stew – the Ultimate Comfort Food
3. Using Up the Turkey Leftovers – Part 3

We’re into the season of veggie harvest and hearty soups! Food writer Chris Perrin brings two new vegetarian recipes to the table (haha!) to keep good company with your soup bowl… If you’ve been following his tasty contributions here each month, you’ll know that Chris has a cook’s certification from the Kansas City Culinary Institute, writes for BIAO Magazine, food-blogs at Blog Well Done, and is working on his own vegan cookbook. Enjoy!   ~ Jen

Pumpkin Panini and Apple-Seitan Sandwich

Despite the fact it signals the end of the growing season, Fall is the time for one last culinary celebration. Gone are the spring vegetables, the tomatoes, and the peaches. Still, every autumn, the Earth erupts forth in a great bounty of fruits and vegetables in such great quantities that the ground must know it will produce nothing for the next five or six months.

Okay, that might be a little overly dramatic, but how else can you explain the flood of apples, cranberries, pumpkins, squash, and other gourds that invade grocery stores across the country every October? The problem, though, is that most of Fall foods are usually thought of as desert (pumpkin pie) or are much maligned (cranberry “sauce” from a tin can.) Even the most inventive thing done with the mighty apple tends to be chopping it up and throwing it into a salad.

Photo: jslander

That all changes today. Today, we are going to elevate Fall fare into the fantastic. We are going to make sandwiches! (And they’re going to be veg friendly, too.)

Pumpkin Panini

Pumpkin is a nutritious vegetable that really does not get the credit it deserves as a savory ingredient. When roasted it has a satisfying, meaty flesh that has a subtle earthy flavor and is not nearly as sweet as you might think. This particular sandwich is paired with good mozzarella cheese, sun dried tomatoes, and basil for a pumpkiny twist on an Italian favorite.

• 1 small sugar pie pumpkin or about a pound of regular pumpkin
• 6 tablespoons olive oil
• 16 sundried tomatoes
• 12 basil leaves
• 1 loaf of vegan bread, cut into half inch slices
• 4 tablespoons of vegenaise or mayonnaise
• 1 medium tomato, sliced thinly
• 1 cup of shredded mozzarella (vegan or regular)

Preheat your oven to 450 degrees.

Prepare the Pumpkin

Wash the outside of the pumpkin thoroughly and pat dry. Cut into quarters and remove the seeds and stem. Coat with 3 tablespoons of olive oil and season lightly with salt and pepper.

Bake the pumpkin for forty minutes or until fork tender. Remove and set aside to cool. Once cool, cut into thin slices roughly the same width as the tomato. You may choose to remove the pumpkin’s peel or leave it on as you choose.

Make the Spread

As the pumpkin is roasting, prepare the sun dried tomato mix. The idea is to have a chunky spread, not a sauce. To make it, put the sun dried tomatoes, two tablespoons of the tomatoes’ oil, and the basil into a food processor and pulse. Add the olive oil one tablespoon at a time until it reaches a consistency you like.

Make the Panini

Construct the sandwiches by taking a slice of bread and spreading a tablespoon of vegenaise on one side and a quarter of the shredded cheese on the other. Starting this way will help to water proof the bread for the cooking ahead.

Stack the pumpkin, one-quarter of the sun dried tomato spread, and two slices of tomatoes on the cheese side in that order. Sprinkle a little kosher salt on the tomato and top with the other slice of bread.

Finally, to make this a panini, pull out a skillet and coat in a bit of your favorite nonstick cooking spray or olive oil. When the pan gets hot, put two sandwiches on it and press them with a second skillet or a cookie sheet weighted down with cans. Cook this way for two minutes, then flip sandwiches and cook them weighted down for two more minutes. If the mozzarella is not fully melted, put the sandwich in the oven for a few minutes.

Serve with pumpkin bisque for an awesome pumpkin meal.

Apple/Seitan Sandwiches

Photo: mharvey75

Many years ago, before I stopped eating meat, my friend V introduced me to this sandwich, which she made using good mild summer sausage. I have changed it to use seitan, my favorite of the vegan “faux meat” products.

• 1 package store bought seitan
• 2 tablespoons sausage spice mix or 1 tablespoon each of black pepper and thyme and a pinch of red chili flake
• ½ cup of Dijon mustard
• ½ cup of apple cider vinegar
• Hard rolls or French bread cut into quarter inch slices
• 1 apple, cut into long slices
• 4 slices Swiss cheese (vegans: use vegan parmesan)

The first thing to do is change the flavor profile of the seitan slightly. Because seitan is an Asian dish, it is normally flavored with soy sauce, but that flavor can be lessened by boiling the seitan. Also, boiling tends to soften seitan and make it easier to chew.

To do this, bring a pot of water to boil. Use water, not broth, but flavor the water with sausage spice mix. Boil the seitan for about 5 minutes. Take it out of the water and bring back to room temperature.

While the seitan is cooling, mix the mustard and the cider vinegar in a bowl with a whisk.

Construct the sandwiches by covering the bottom of a roll or a piece of bread with seitan and adding a piece of cheese, a few slices of apple, and topping with the mustard/vinegar mix.

For more of what is going in Chris’ lunchbox, on his dinner table, and on his party menus, as well as thoughts on food and culture, food in the media, and even the occasional recipe featuring meat, check out Chris’ food blog, Blog Well Done.

Related posts:

1. Vegan Reuben: A Tasty Classic Gone Meatless
2. Vegan Goes Cajun: Seitan Jambalaya
3. Braised Asian Lemon Seitan

Photo: Perfecto Insecto

So, you never touched a drop of vile alcohol last night — and sure, I believe you! — but still, this morning, somehow, you woke up looking and feeling like something Shrek barfed up?

Let’s review what went wrong, shall we?

Too much sugar!

For many of us, last night we experienced the North American cultural phenomenon known as the Halloween fancy-dress candy binge…

If you’re not reading this on November 1st, maybe you can’t blame Halloween — but do a quick memory check: was there a sugar binge in there somewhere? Maybe your night involved a box of chocolates and a chick flick indulgence. Maybe it was an awesome dessert buffet table that called your name once too often. Maybe it was a box of donuts just sitting there, calling your name, on a side table in a dull meeting.

Whatever.

The point is, too much sugar goes into your system — buzzz!! you’re revving on all four cylinders, fast and productive and jazzed with energy!

And then what? Crash!

See, sometime or other in the middle of a sweet-centered evening — maybe just slightly queasy and with the beginnings of a headache — you’re going to have to stop stuffing your face with candy and go to bed. You go to sleep. And through the night your sky-high blood sugar levels start to naturally drop… and drop…

A sugar high lasts maybe a couple of hours after you start feeding it, so that’s what happens while you’re asleep. If you were awake, healthy li’l you might be able to fend off some of the nasty symptoms by jogging around the block, drinking water, eating crackers or such — but you can’t, because you’re asleep. By the time morning comes, your blood sugar level is at a real low. And frankly, you feel like crap.

What’s your immediate urge? Grab a quick easy sugary snack or a big glass of orange juice and crawl on back to bed to sleep it off.

See, sugar is sneaky. And powerful. Scientists have proven that it only takes 10 days for lab rats to get hopelessly addicted. Physically addicted to sugar! — and the poor little critters are probably psychologically addicted to sugar, too, for all we know, but no one ever asks the rodents how they feel…

But at least they don’t have to worry about zipping up their jeans after a week on the sugar high merry-go-round.

You eat a whack of sweet stuff. Your blood sugar levels skyrocket. You stop eating sweets, and a couple of hours later, you crash. Low blood sugar… you start craving sugar again! This is the point where, if you grab another handful of candy to satisfy that craving, that old blood sugar teeter-totter starts going madly up and down in the binge-and-crash cycle. And meanwhile, you’re grumpy and dopey and headachey and queasy and all the rest of the Seven Sugar-Addicted Dwarves, all the time.

And how do I know all this, you ask?
Experience, sweetheart. Sad, stupid — infinitely stupid — first-hand experience.

So I’m begging you now — put down that mini Hersey bar!
Step away from the Halloween leftovers!
Moderation is key: Your mother was right. Go have a decent bowl of oatmeal and a glass of milk, instead. Maybe, when you’re feeling a little better, a nice chicken Caesar salad — with just a small delicious perfect morsel of high-quality chocolate to savour slowly for dessert. Honest, you’ll feel better in the morning. And all your diabetic friends can stop laughing their asses off. And you’ll save a bundle on aspirin and Pepto-Bismal.

Related posts:

1. Best-Ever Brown Sugar Fudge
2. Bad Advice for Frugal Halloween Treats
3. Honey-Garlic Chicken for a Diabetic Diet

Photo: eyeliam

True, it can cost a lot to give candy to all the neighbourhood kids on Halloween night. But if money’s tight, and you simply haven’t got the budget to buy off the pranksters (some of whom really will splatter your home with rotten eggs — or worse — if you don’t “shell out” ), there are a couple of things you can do to save money.

First, here’s what not to do:

1. You could be really careful with the candy hand-out — giving each child one single lollipop, say. Stretch the budget by being kind of, well, stingy.

But don’t you recall what it’s like to be a little kid on Halloween? — the excitement (even before the sugar high kicks in) of staying up and going out after dark, running around the neighbourhood with your friends, actually taking candy from strangers!! Don’t go raining on that parade. It’s not easy being a little kid, you know. Give ‘em the candy.

2. You could turn off all the lights and pretend you’re not home.

This is totally NOT recommended, however, especially in some of the tougher neighbourhoods — and believe me, this is the voice of experience you hear! In fact, if you live in a really really really tough part of town (as I did for quite some time), you want to make sure you’ve got really really really good treats. And lots of them. You’ll also be wise to turn a blind eye if some of the kids turn their jackets inside out and come back a second time, pretending to be someone else, so they can get a second helping. These kids don’t get much sweetness in their lives… Shelling out on candy is much cheaper for you, in the long run, than shelling out to buy new glass for your windows.

3. You could stock up on off-brand mystery candy.

In fact, as I was ranting in the first part of this series, there’s a lot of wacky advice out there that tells you to “Save money on treats to hand out at the door by picking up cheap gum and chips at the dollar store.” Again, this is not such a good plan.

Think about this:

How come that Bargain Candy is so cheap?

The Canadian Food Inspection Agency (CFIA) issued consumer advisory, earlier this month, warning the public “not to consume, distribute, or sell the Sherwood Brands Pirate’s Gold Milk Chocolate Coins described below. This product is being recalled due to positive test results for melamine conducted by the CFIA.”

The affected product, Sherwood Brands Pirate’s Gold Milk Chocolate Coins, is sold in 840g containers containing 240 pieces per container bearing UPC 0 36077 11240 7 and lot code 1928S1… sold nationally through Costco stores and may also have been sold in bulk packages or as individual pieces at various dollar and bulk stores across Canada.

Just one example. (And those gold-foil-covered chocolate coins were my favourite thing, too!) Fact is, if the candy is cheap, the manufacturers have been cutting costs somewhere along the line, and that generally means moving production to countries with less strict health and labour codes, or buying their ingredients there at least.

So, is it worth saving a bit of money, to give children the kind of candy that you wouldn’t feel good about giving to your own child? Of course not.

Stay away from the discount candy and look for brand-name products made in a country whose environmental and health standards are a known quantity, I’d suggest. You may end up paying a bit more — but there are reasonable ways to cut your costs.

• Chewing gum, Chiclets, lollipops and suckers, or those tiny bags of potato chips are often the least-expensive treats on offer — but take along a calculator to the store (if you’re as bad at basic math as I am) and do the figuring-out, to be sure: Divide the price of a bag of treats by the number of kids you can serve with it, to get the cost per kid — see what treat choices will give the best bang for your buck.
• Check the flyers for specials, and buy larger-sized packages if it gets you a better deal — you can always tuck any leftovers into lunch bags, in the weeks after Halloween.
• Buy candy in bulk, if that’s the best bargain — but do buy from a reputable store and do choose only those candies that come already individually wrapped, preferably in sealed wrappers. No, it’s not great for the environment, all that extra waste packaging, but no sensible parent wants their child to be given a fistful of unwrapped candy from an unknown source.

And don’t put it off a moment longer, if you haven’t bought your Halloween treats yet! Last minute shopping, when the shelves are getting empty in the stores, is the surest way to end up spending more than you want to spend or you have in your budget.

Oh, and don’t eat all the candies yourself before the kids show up at the door. But that part goes without saying, right?

Related posts:

1. Bad Advice for Frugal Halloween Costumes
2. Bad Advice for Frugal Halloween Decorations
3. A Gift of Gold

Photo: trekkyandy

My friend Paul, who cooks professionally at a local hotel, is always on the hunt for recipes that put a tasty twist on the traditional.

Last year, at Thanksgiving, he made an amazing pumpkin pie — we’ve been having a lot of fun trying to figure out how to make it even better, ever since.

What’s the result when two food-obsessed minds are put to work on one recipe?

A rich and delicious pumpkin pie for a special holiday dinner, that’s what!

Sour Cream Pumpkin Pie

Make (or buy) a single pie shell. Cook it as usual, and set it aside to cool while you prepare the pumpkin pie filling, as below:

Ingredients

1 ½ cups sour cream (sorry, but no — the low-fat kind won’t do!)
1 ½ cups cooked pumpkin (solid-pack canned, or homemade with liquid drained off)
3 eggs, separated into yolks and whites
1 cup dark brown sugar, packed
1 tsp ground cinnamon
¼ tsp nutmeg (best if fresh-grated from a whole nutmeg)
¼ ground ginger (or a pinch more, if you like ginger as much as I do!)
¼ salt

Directions

Preheat oven to 375°F.

Gently heat 1 cup of the sour cream in the top of a double boiler, stirring occasionally.

Whisk together the pumpkin, egg yolks, brown sugar, spices, salt, and the remaining ½ cup of sour cream until it’s combined — then whisk it into the hot sour cream in your double boiler. Continue to cook over simmering water, stirring constantly with a wooden spoon, until the mixture thickens and reached 170°F. (Paul actually uses a thermometer for this step; but I just “ballpark it” at about 6 or 7 minutes of cooking time.)

Remove from heat and cool quickly — take the top of the double boiler (the pot with your pumpkin mixture in it) off the bottom pot of hot water and put it into a bowl of ice water for about 15 minutes, stirring occasionally.

Beat the egg whites in a clean glass bowl with an electric mixer, just until the point where they will hold soft peaks — don’t over do it!

Fold the beaten egg whites gently but thoroughly into the cooled pumpkin mixture. Pour the filling into the cooled pie shell, levelling out the top with a knife or spatula. Bake at 375°F about 40 or 50 minutes (this will depend on how much moisture was in your pumpkin, as that can vary) — until the filling is set, and just a bit puffed up around the edge of the pie.

You can serve this pie at room temperature — cool it on a rack for about 2 hours — or make it a day ahead and serve it chilled. If you’re going to keep it in the fridge overnight, do let it come to room temperature first, then cover the cooled pie with a piece of plastic wrap for storage.

Related posts:

1. Coconut Cream Pie
2. Sweet-and-Sour Beef Stew
3. Cheeseburger Stew

You know it’s going to happen anyway. Before their little sugar-icing buttons have had time to set, at least one of those poor little gingerbread-man cookies is bound to lose his head. Or arm. Or leg.

If you don’t drop one on his head on his way from cookie sheet to cooling rack (my specialty), someone is going to sneak in and grab a quick bite.

So go ahead, go with the flow — make those gingerbread men as nature intended to begin with: Headless and/or partially dismembered.

Here are Fred’s ABC cookie cutters — where ABC stands for “Already Been Chewed.”
I think you’ll know how best to use them. No questions asked. Just, be sure to eat all the evidence.

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1. Sweet Ceramic Gingerbread House
2. Make Your Own Gingerbread House Christmas Ornaments
3. Bags That Bite

Bored with the same-old-same-old supper? Food writer Chris Perrin is back with a new recipe, and a new ingredient to challenge our cooking comfort zones — not seitan this time, but the mysterious miso… Chris has a cook’s certification from the Kansas City Culinary Institute, is a columnist for BIAO Magazine and at many foodie websites, and is hard at work on a vegan cookbook.
Enjoy!   ~ Jen

Yellow Miso

A lot of people ask me why I do not eat meat. I think they expect me to launch into a diatribe about how meat is murder and animal rights. No one ever expects me to reply “Because I love to cook.”

I cannot say I am unsympathetic to moderate animal righters, but at the same time there are so many other, equally valid reasons for adopting a veg*n diet: economic, environmental, and health reasons top this list, but I think my favorite still has to be how much I have learned about the art of cooking.

To this end, when I became vegan, one of the first things I did was make a list of new ingredients and started cooking with them. This list included things like tempeh (fermented soy beans), parsnips (which I had never had), celeriac (an Emeril favorite), and Durian (don’t, just don’t.)

Photo: Schellack

So here is my challenge to you: Live the spirit of me (as a vegan) and try something new tonight. You can even cook meat! Although, if you really want to set yourself up for a challenge, try to cook a completely vegan meal. No milk, no cream, no butter, no eggs…just weeds and grass! Well, maybe some fruits or veggies.

The last time I went looking for a new ingredient, I ended up with a container of yellow miso, which looks approximately nothing like I thought it would and smells far worse than I could have imagined. Still, when cooked, it becomes mild, a little salty, a little sweet, but comfortingly earthy.

Try this dish, which uses eggplant and miso together. Serve over basmati rice for a satisfying meal.

Miso Eggplant Bowls

4 Japanese eggplant or one medium-sized eggplant, cut into cubes
1 medium onion, cut into 1 inch squares
2 tablespoons olive oil
2 carrots, cut into quarter thick slices
1 tablespoon of Chinese rice wine or dry sherry
1 tablespoon of corn starch
6 tablespoons of vegetable broth
2 tablespoons of yellow miso
½ tablespoon of sugar
Salt and pepper to taste

If you have time, start by coating the eggplant in salt and letting it rest for an hour. This will pull out the some of the moisture and make it more firm. After an hour, use a paper towel to knock the salt off and pat the eggplant dry. Omit salt from the rest of the recipe.

Into a skillet over high heat, put the olive oil and the onions. Sauté until they start to turn translucent. Add the carrot and sauté for 2-3 minutes.

Put the eggplant into a bag with the rice wine and the cornstarch and shake to coat. The rice wine will add a little acid to the dish and help preserve the color of the eggplant’s skin. Add the eggplant to the dish and sauté until soft all the way through, which can take 7-10 minutes.

Add the broth, the miso, and the sugar. Cook, stirring occasionally until the sauce thickens to your liking.

For more of what is going in Chris’ lunchbox, on his dinner table, and on his party menus, as well as thoughts on food and culture, food in the media, and even the occasional recipe featuring meat, check out Chris’ food blog, Blog Well Done.

Related posts:

1. Vegan Reuben: A Tasty Classic Gone Meatless
2. Vegan Goes Cajun: Seitan Jambalaya
3. Braised Asian Lemon Seitan

The Spiegelau design team has drawn on 500 years of glass-making experience to launch its new collection of thin-as-a-whisper beer glasses.

Throughout the world, there is a fast growing range of different beers just waiting to be discovered. In order to get most out of the characteristics of beer (appearance, aroma, taste, finish) it is essential to choose the right glass.

Three styles of glasses suit the most popular brews — an elegant gift for the malt beverage connoisseur.

[H/T Luxist via Everything and Nothing ]

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1. Table Top Wine Bar
2. Born-Again Bottles
3. Christmas Ornaments Never Looked So Sweet

In the midst of our home renovation this summer, the carpenter’s wife came by with this awesome coconut cream pie… so you know I mugged her for the recipe.

(The original recipe called for the cream filling to be cooked on the stove, the traditional way — but I’ll give you instructions for doing it in a microwave oven, too.)

Now, I’m not even going to try to pretend that this pie is anything but deliciously decadent. Taste it once, though, and you won’t care about the calories!

Coconut Cream Pie

Ingredients:

3 cups milk
1 cup medium or fine unsweetened coconut
3/4 cup white sugar
1/3 cup flour
1/4 tsp salt
2 eggs, slightly beaten
2 Tbsp butter
1 tsp vanilla
1/2 tsp almond flavouring
1 baked pie shell (9″ or 10″)
whipped cream

Directions: Stove-top method:

Scald the milk in a saucpan and stir in the coconut. In another saucepan, combine the white sugar, flour, and salt. Gradually add the scalded milk. Cook over medium heat, stirring constantly until thickened. Cover and cook 2 minutes longer, stirring a few times.

Stir a small amount of hot mixture into the 2 slightly beaten eggs. Blend the eggs back into the rest of the hot mixture in the saucepan using a whisk. Cook 1 minute longer, stirring constantly.

Remove from heat. Blend in the butter, vanilla and almond flavouring. Let stand 5 minutes, stirring a few times, then pour into baked 9″ or 10″ pie shell. When the pie has cooled completely, serve it with whipped cream on top.

Directions: Microwave Oven method:

Scald the milk in large microwave-safe bowl. In a separate bowl, combine the coconut, white sugar, flour, and salt. Stir these dry ingredients into the scalded milk. Cook on ‘High’ in 2 minutes intervals, stirring each time, until it thickens.

Stir a small amount of hot mixture into the 2 slightly beaten eggs. Blend the eggs back into the rest of the hot mixture with a whisk. Cook for 2 minutes more.

Whisk in the butter, vanilla and almond flavouring. Let stand 5 minutes, stirring a few times, then pour into baked 9″ or 10″ pie shell. When the pie has cooled completely, serve it with whipped cream on top.

Related posts:

1. Cinnamon Cookies
2. Easy Rolled Sugar Cookies
3. Chocolate Drop Cookies

Photo: Daquella manera

I’m not a picky eater. But no, I’ve never eaten roadkill — nor do I plan to start.

I don’t care how freshly mown-down-by-passing-car the flattened pheasant or rabbit or deer might be, the plain fact is that (country girl, yes, but) I’m just not enough of a redneck to want to eat it.

Or that hungry.

And why do I bring this up?
Hey, hey, it’s the Food Tasting Meme!

As you can see from my list of “ate that” and “won’t eat that” — below — my tastebuds appear to have led a fairly sheltered life as far as the foods of other cultures are sampled. Part of that is lack of opportunity; and part of that is from not asking the names of what’s on the buffet table. Sometimes it’s just best not to know…

Photo: Alaskan Dude

On the other hand, at least I have no fear of strange meats (as long as its not been scraped up off the highway), and tend to be willing to try almost anything… once.

I think the only thing that I’ve already eaten and won’t eat again is a Big Mac meal. And that’s mostly because (a) I’m not keen to be super-sized, and (b) why bother? Just sayin’.

So, where do you stand on food adventures?
Which have you tried, or would you try, of the 100 taste sensations on the omnivore’s list?

The Omnivore’s Hundred

1. Copy this list into your blog or journal, including these instructions.
2. Bold all the items you.ve eaten.
3. Cross out any items that you would never consider eating (or eating again)
4. Optional extra: Post a comment at http://www.verygoodtaste.co.uk linking to your results.

To make the filling out of this form and generating the HTML for it a bit easier, reddywhp has played around with some PHP. Go to http://reddywhip.org/lj/foods/ and fill it out there. After filling it out, you will be given the code to copy and paste into your blog.

1. Venison
2. Nettle tea
3. Huevos rancheros
4. Steak tartare
5. Crocodile
6. Black pudding
7. Cheese fondue
8. Carp
9. Borscht
10. Baba ghanoush
11. Calamari
12. Pho
13. PB&J sandwich
14. Aloo gobi
15. Hot dog from a street cart
16. Epoisses
17. Black truffle
18. Fruit wine made from something other than grapes
19. Steamed pork buns
20. Pistachio ice cream
21. Heirloom tomatoes
22. Fresh wild berries
23. Foie gras
24. Rice and beans
25. Brawn, or head cheese
26. Raw Scotch Bonnet pepper
27. Dulce de leche
28. Oysters
29. Baklava
30. Bagna cauda
31. Wasabi peas
32. Clam chowder in a sourdough bowl
33. Salted lassi
34. Sauerkraut
35. Root beer float
36. Cognac with a fat cigar
37. Clotted cream tea
38. Vodka jelly
39. Gumbo
40. Oxtail
41. Curried goat
42. Whole insects
43. Phaal
44. Goat’s milk
45. Malt whisky from a bottle worth $120 or more
46. Fugu
47. Chicken tikka masala
48. Eel
49. Krispy Kreme original glazed doughnut
50. Sea urchin
51. Prickly pear
52. Umeboshi
53. Abalone
54. Paneer
55. McDonald’s Big Mac Meal
56. Spaetzle
57. Dirty gin martini
58. Beer above 8% ABV
59. Poutine
60. Carob chips
61. S’mores
62. Sweetbreads
63. Kaolin
64. Currywurst
65. Durian
66. Frog’s Legs
67. Beignets, churros, elephant ears or funnel cake
68. Haggis
69. Fried plantain
70. Chitterlings or andouillette
71. Gazpacho
72. Caviar and blini
73. Louche absinthe
74. Gjetost or brunost
75. Roadkill
76. Baijiu
77. Hostess Fruit Pie
78. Snail
79. Lapsang souchong
80. Bellini
81. Tom yum
82. Eggs Benedict
83. Pocky
84. Tasting menu at a three-Michelin-star restaurant
85. Kobe beef
86. Hare
87. Goulash
88. Flowers
89. Horse
90. Criollo chocolate
91. Spam
92. Soft shell crab
93. Rose harissa
94. Catfish
95. Mole poblano
96. Bagel and lox
97. Lobster Thermidor
98. Polenta
99. Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee
100. Snake

[via Cygnoir]

Related posts:

1. Ken Hoyt and the Blue Cheese Sauce
2. Fast Food at Home
3. Heirloom Beer Glasses

Chris Perrin so outclasses me in the kitchen… He’s a columnist for BIAO Magazine, writes on food for KC Generations and KC Wellness magazine, and — starting next week — he’ll be flaunting his kitchen skillz on the Well Fed Network, at Grows & Grocers, Paper Palate, and EdibleTV. Chris has a cook’s certification from the Kansas City Culinary Institute and (wouldn’t you know it?) he’s working on a vegan cookbook exploring the mysteries of seitan. Heh. If he keeps this up, we’ll all be eating healthy — and loving it!
Enjoy!   ~ Jen

Many people have never heard of seitan, one of the more versatile vegan meat substitutes. Sometimes called wheat meat or Buddha food, it is formed by taking the gluten (proteins) from milled wheat, kneading it with water, and simmering the resulting dough in broth. Oh, and it is pronounced “SAY-tan” like everyone’s favorite Biblical bad boy. Which means I get a lot of weird looks when I start saying how awesome it is.

But the thing is, seitan (the food, not the archdemon) is a fantastic go-to ingredient for everyone because it’s high in protein, low in fat and if cooked properly, it has a texture and flavor very much like meat. Which is why I used it to make gyros when I was craving Greek.

Mediterranean restaurants are often vegfriendly and while I love hummus, dolmades and falafel, I often find myself sitting next to people blissfully munching on meat-stuffed gyros and I wanted some! This recipe was the result. It is a great meal to prepare the night before and take for lunch the next day. Even better, for picky children, quickly stuff the seitan inside a pita and top with salsa or hummus. They’ll never know the difference.

Seitan Gyros

Photo: iLoveButter

1 package of seitan
1 cup of broth (optional)
3 ounces of olive oil, preferably Greek
½ teaspoon of oregano, preferably Greek
¼ teaspoon of thyme
1 clove of garlic, minced
½ teaspoon of white pepper
1 lime, juiced
Salt to taste

Some seitan is sold as stir fry strips which are about an eighth of an inch thick. If you can’t find stir fry strips, cut your seitan into one-eighth thick inch pieces. This will allow the seitan to cook completely and feel more like meat.

Next, anytime I cook seitan, I like to simmer it for 5-10 minutes before sautéing or frying it. I find that it makes the seitan less firm and again makes it feel more like real meat.

Lastly, preheat a skillet over high heat, then add olive oil. Wait until the olive oil is blazing hot before adding all of the ingredients except the lime juice and the salt. Sauté the seitan until it is well browned on both sides. Add the lime juice and cook for another thirty seconds, then check for salt. It may need a pinch or two, especially if the broth was low sodium.

Serve with whole wheat pita, hummus and salsa that has been kicked up with roasted red peppers and a little more olive oil and you’ll never miss the fact that you’re not eating meat.

Need a quick meal?

A number of companies are turning seitan into really good cold cuts, but they tend to be dry. For those not willing to slather their sandwiches in mayonnaise or mustard, Lightlife has a product called Fakin’ Bacon Organic Smoky Tempeh Strips made from tempeh (a soy-based protein.) Lightlife says they are supposed to replace bacon, but their deeply smoky flavor and elegant sauce propel them far past mere bacon. Put them on a sandwich, add a little mayonnaise, tomato, and lettuce and you have an instantly delicious BLT.

For more of what is going in Chris’ lunchbox, on his dinner table, and on his party menus, as well as thoughts on food and culture, food in the media, and even the occasional recipe featuring meat, check out Chris’ food blog, Blog Well Done.

Related posts:

1. Vegan Goes Cajun: Seitan Jambalaya
2. Vegan Reuben: A Tasty Classic Gone Meatless
3. Braised Asian Lemon Seitan

Here’s a little contest for my American friends who are into the great traditional art of applying fire to meat:

Just post your favourite knock-their-socks-off barbeque recipe, with a link to the iBuyBarbeques website, for a chance to win $400.

That could buy enough burgers to see you through the end of grilling season, I’m thinking! And if you’re one of the first 50 to submit your entry, my buddy Dan will send you $10 as a little thank-you gift. The price of your condiments, or a few cold bevvies for your BBQ enjoyment?

The contest runs from September 1, 2008 at 12:01 AM and ends at 12:01 on November 1, 2008, with the winning entry judged on quality and originality of recipe as well as the creativity and presentation of the entry. You can find the full contest rules here.

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3. Man, That’s One Ugly Necklace!

Who knew that watermelon carving was such a hot art form?

Around here we tend to think in terms of pumpkin carving — especially at this time of year, with harvest winding up and Halloween just looming on the horizon.

But I’m entranced by the whole carved-radish culture of Mexico’s Night of the Radishes, naturally… and other weird and wonderful fruit and vegetable art makes an appearance from time to time…

Well, heck, why not watermelon sculpture too?

Jay Ball has even published a book on the topic, You Too Can Create Stunning Watermelon Carvings! “My style of watermelon carving lends itself well to the beginner, where you are guided by a pattern and it is more structured and easy to follow,” Jay explains. “And, unlike pumpkins, the insides make an instant delicious treat while you work.”

Of course the watermelon industry itself is full of crafty suggestions for their produce, with a particular eye to kids — cookie cutters, anyone?

And if you’re looking for even more inspiration…

Here (below) are some of the most elegant examples of watermelon art you’ll ever hope to see this week — take particular note of the overblown chrysanthemum flower, all done in fresh watermelon!

I keep finding these pictures all over the interwebs in different places, but so far without a note about the artist — my best dectective work suggests that these are the work of Japan’s Takashi Itoh, who certainly deserves lot of credit for his art!

Takashi Itoh says his watermelon sculptures are inspired by the art of Thai vegetable and fruit carving, which originated at the Loi Krathong (floating lantern) Festival in Thailand about 700 years ago. You can see more at his Watermelon Special Fruit Carving site, but here’s a sample of the artist’s work:

I don’t know that most of us are likely to reach these heights of watermelon sculpture… but Jay’s book is a good starting point.

You Too Can Create Stunning Watermelon Carvings guides you through preparing the melon for carving, and transferring the pattern.

Jay even includes 32 carving patterns, with themes around most of the major holidays in case you feel the melon decorating urge as part of your celebration — as well as different ways to sculpt a watermelon, by hand or with the aid of power tools.

And then, when you’re done, how to light, display and photograph your watermelon carving so its beauty will live on long after the melon itself has joined your compost pile!

If you try this yourself, want to send an email to let me know? Or drop your photo link in the comments, so we can all ooh and ahh at your artistic talents!

Related posts:

1. Frozen Watermelon
2. Green Jade Dragon Bed
3. Carving a Jack O’ Lantern

“White wedding” took on a whole new meaning for me, a couple of years ago.

I’m reminded of this by the convergence of three things: another wedding in the family this summer, the pending conversion of yet another neighbourhood dairy farm into a subdivision, and the playful reincarnation of the iconic Got Milk? campaign.

(Bear with me — this will all start to make sense in a minute!)

So, as I’ve hinted, we’ve just celebrated another wedding in the extended family — and those of you who’ve been there can well understand the potential for both magic and disaster. So many details to coordinate with military precision! Everything must be perfect… Such high expectations, and such high stress!

Well, our most recent family wedding breezed through on the magical side, I’m thrilled to report.

But in this story I’m about to tell you of another wedding, a few years back… not so much.

Let’s not even speak of the soloist’s hiccups, the drunken photographer, or the brutal heat wave that turned the wedding reception into a sauna and the expensive ice sculpture into a melting lopsided phallus that soaked the buffet table linens.

No, we’ll pass over those minor points.

Because the element of the unexpected that came closest to causing a Total Bridal Meltdown was the adorable flowergirl. Six years old, angelic in pink satin, with blond ringlets cascading from a wreath of tiny rosebuds, tiny patent leather shoes…

Angelic? Give that child one piece of candy too many (and no, it wasn’t me who did that!) and she turned into hyperactive devilspawn:

Poking her finger through her Granny’s antique silk lampshades. Hog-tying the cat with ribbon stripped from the wedding gifts she’d decided to open. And drawing big blue daisies on the train of the wedding gown — minutes before zero hour — with a leaky ballpoint pen.

Yep, that’s what I said.

While the bride was sitting about in her lacey underthings, under the hairdresser’s care, and the limousine was pulling into the curb, and the father of the bride was pacing the front hallway with his watch in his hand — the flowergirl drew big blue flowers on the pristine white field of the wedding gown.

With a ballpoint pen.

See, this is the point where the milk comes in — and a tip from the calm and practical wife of that same dairy farmer whose fields, sadly, have just been sold off for building lots (because that’s what happens to far too many family farms, these days: but don’t get me started!) —

Milk removed the ink stain.

Soak in milk, rinse in cool water. Soak and rinse, soak and rinse, until the spot comes clean. Then a quick bit of work with the hairdresser’s blow drier — and the gown was once more whiter than the bride’s conscience… er, white enough to walk down the aisle!

Yes, it’s true. Milk can take out many kinds of ink from almost any fabric that you can get wet without worry. Whole milk works best, by the way. Mind you, there’s nothing I’ve found yet that will get out ink from permanent markers (which is probably why they call them “permanent,” d’ya think?), but for your basic flowergirl graffiti with a regular ballpoint pen? Magic!

And perhaps best not to talk about what happened to the unwisely artistic flowergirl, when her mother took her upstairs to have a little chat…

The key point is, a glass of milk saved the wedding day.

Now, the people over at Got Milk?, keen folks though they may be, won’t be bragging up the stain-removal properties of milk. They can (and will, at the drop of a hat) tell you all about the other benefits of milk — healthy hair, stronger nails, better sleep, and all that lovely PMS-fighting calcium, and so on — but they won’t tell you that milk gets out many kinds of ink stains.

My theory: it’s probably because milk’s not registered as a laundry product, and there isn’t the “scientific evidence” to back up any big ink-cleaning claims. Fair enough. But I can tell you — I was there; I was the one who wrestled the Satanic pen-wielding flowergirl to the ground; and I saw the milk do its magic with my very own eyes.

Got wedding? Got kid?
You might want to pick up a quart of milk.
Just sayin’.

Related posts:

1. Kids’ Playhouse from Plastic Milk Jugs
2. Vintage wedding Cake Toppers
3. How to Have a Greener White Wedding