So, you never touched a drop of vile alcohol last night — and sure, I believe you! — but still, this morning, somehow, you woke up looking and feeling like something Shrek barfed up?

Let’s review what went wrong, shall we?

Too much sugar!

For many of us, last night we experienced the North American cultural phenomenon known as the Halloween fancy-dress candy binge…

If you’re not reading this on November 1st, maybe you can’t blame Halloween — but do a quick memory check: was there a sugar binge in there somewhere? Maybe your night involved a box of chocolates and a chick flick indulgence. Maybe it was an awesome dessert buffet table that called your name once too often. Maybe it was a box of donuts just sitting there, calling your name, on a side table in a dull meeting.

Whatever.

The point is, too much sugar goes into your system — buzzz!! you’re revving on all four cylinders, fast and productive and jazzed with energy!

And then what? Crash!

See, sometime or other in the middle of a sweet-centered evening — maybe just slightly queasy and with the beginnings of a headache — you’re going to have to stop stuffing your face with candy and go to bed. You go to sleep. And through the night your sky-high blood sugar levels start to naturally drop… and drop…

A sugar high lasts maybe a couple of hours after you start feeding it, so that’s what happens while you’re asleep. If you were awake, healthy li’l you might be able to fend off some of the nasty symptoms by jogging around the block, drinking water, eating crackers or such — but you can’t, because you’re asleep. By the time morning comes, your blood sugar level is at a real low. And frankly, you feel like crap.

What’s your immediate urge? Grab a quick easy sugary snack or a big glass of orange juice and crawl on back to bed to sleep it off.

See, sugar is sneaky. And powerful. Scientists have proven that it only takes 10 days for lab rats to get hopelessly addicted. Physically addicted to sugar! — and the poor little critters are probably psychologically addicted to sugar, too, for all we know, but no one ever asks the rodents how they feel

But at least they don’t have to worry about zipping up their jeans after a week on the sugar high merry-go-round.

You eat a whack of sweet stuff. Your blood sugar levels skyrocket. You stop eating sweets, and a couple of hours later, you crash. Low blood sugar… you start craving sugar again! This is the point where, if you grab another handful of candy to satisfy that craving, that old blood sugar teeter-totter starts going madly up and down in the binge-and-crash cycle. And meanwhile, you’re grumpy and dopey and headachey and queasy and all the rest of the Seven Sugar-Addicted Dwarves, all the time.

And how do I know all this, you ask?
Experience, sweetheart. Sad, stupid — infinitely stupid — first-hand experience.

So I’m begging you now — put down that mini Hersey bar!
Step away from the Halloween leftovers!
Moderation is key: Your mother was right. Go have a decent bowl of oatmeal and a glass of milk, instead. Maybe, when you’re feeling a little better, a nice chicken Caesar salad — with just a small delicious perfect morsel of high-quality chocolate to savour slowly for dessert. Honest, you’ll feel better in the morning. And all your diabetic friends can stop laughing their asses off. And you’ll save a bundle on aspirin and Pepto-Bismal.

This Post Has 10 Comments

  1. domestika

    Amanda Nicole, you can’t say that you weren’t warned! ;) Yeah, like none of the rest of us have ever done the “oh let’s get a few extra Hershey bars” thing…

  2. Amanda Nicole

    WHAT THE?! I am ACTUALLY eating a mini Hershey as I read this. I bought bags of candy this year, knowing there wouldn’t be a single trick-or-treater (live in an apartment of adults), and while I’m regretting it, I know I will cry a few sugary tears when it’s all gone. Damn you, Halloween! Damn yooooouuuu!

  3. domestika

    Hmm, Jen, are you saying we should do that MMO by drinking green post? I’m game for it. :)

    Excellent! {rubs hands together} I think this is such a dandy idea — if you’re game for a guest post, Sue, I’ll even agree to let you use the infamous frog-drinking photograph to illustrate it… How noble is that?

  4. Sue

    Hmm, Jen, are you saying we should do that MMO by drinking green post? I’m game for it. :)

  5. Pinhole

    I see what you’re saying; that shiraz I had last night had too much sugar in it.

    Interesting.

  6. Squawkfox

    World Famous? HA! Will everyone be green with envy? :D

    @Sue Since mint is green, feel free to blend it in. ;)

  7. domestika

    Nice job of putting it in a nutshell, Sue… while I’m babbling on about lab rats and whatnot. Thanks, yes, that’s what I’m trying to say.

    The best way to deal with a morning after indulgence of sugar is to take a tip from diabetics who are experiencing a low, and that’s to get sugar into the body as quickly as possible. The best way is to drink an 8 ounce glass of orange juice, as you’re getting some much needed Vitamin C at the same time. So, do not grab that leftover Halloween candy, much as it may tempt you.

    That, and don’t go there in the first place: I hereby resolve to sugar myself in small doses only, from this day forward. Word.

    Squawkfox, that froggie-green smoothie recipe of yours is going to be World Famous On The Internet before we even hit New Year’s Day and the next mad round of good resolutions! ;)

  8. Sue

    Hahaha. Only if it’s made out of mint. Yum…mint cookies, mint candies, mint everything. Only kind of green smoothie I’ll be drinking!

  9. Sue

    While most of what you’re saying is absolutely correct, one thing that people do need to keep in mind is health-wise, the so-called sugar low is worse than the sugar high. Our cells’ nutrition consists of pure glucose, and it is a life threatening medical emergency in diabetics if it drops.

    A quick lesson from this former Emergency Medical Services Instructor Coordinator: Insulin acts as the key to the door (our cells) that lets in the nutrition. This is why you will see undiagnosed Type I diabetics eating like a horse yet gaining little weight. Their pancreas doesn’t produce the insulin (the key) to open up the door (our cells) to let in the nutrition (glucose) so in short, their bodies are starving. That’s also the reason that excessive urination is a red flag, as it’s the body’s attempt to get rid of this excess sugar.

    The best way to deal with a morning after indulgence of sugar is to take a tip from diabetics who are experiencing a low, and that’s to get sugar into the body as quickly as possible. The best way is to drink an 8 ounce glass of orange juice, as you’re getting some much needed Vitamin C at the same time. So, do not grab that leftover Halloween candy, much as it may tempt you. :)

    Thank you for providing some important nutritional information at this sugar high time of year. And it’s only the beginning…the rest of the holidays are no better. Yum…cookies, pies, more candy. :)

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