“More bacon insanity!” crows a recent note from the gadget-loving DJ.

Typically man-like, he claims to be pining for a Wake ‘n’ Bacon alarm clock.

Never mind a blaring buzzer in your sleepy ear, or even the questionably less-jarring sounds of morning radio, this wake-up call will cook your breakfast as it wafts you to wakefulness with the nose-tingling scent of bacon.

And for our vegetarian friends (or for dieters who try to limit the fat-laden temptations that begin the day), Jay Garrett has pointed out an Alfie Lake design that might fit the bill.

This concept for an alarm clock would let you pick which fragrance you’d like it to emit, and set a timer. Fall asleep to the sweet scent of lavendar, for example, and wake to home-baked bread. Sadly, it’s all cartridge-based; actual flowers and baked goods not included.

Just when you thought it was all over, at last… the bacon obsession is back!
(You can blame Diane for this… again.)

High Society Bacon

Be the envy of some when you sport the original Uncle Oinker’s bacon-scented bacon print tuxedo ($99.95 at McPhee.com).

The bacon tuxedo is cunningly tailored from chemically treated latex print fabric to smell “just like bacon sizzling in the pan” and comes in four sizes.

Dry clean only, of course — heaven knows what this could do to your washing machine!

Archie McPhee’s your one-stop shop for bacon-related dental hygiene items, too, to make sure you’re ready for a big night out among the most snobby of carnivores. Grab bacon-flavoured toothpicks, bacon mints, and even (new!) bacon dental floss. Slip on a fashionable unisex bracelet as the finishing touch, and you’re dressed up to sizzle!

“Want me to knit you a bacon scarf?” Diane asked, and unwittingly launched my search for arts and crafts with a bacon theme. She said she could probably “fake up” a pattern. Thinking back, I’m not entirely sure whether she planned to knit it from the actual fatty meat product. In which case, er, no…

But this Unsettlingly Real-Looking Felted Bacon Scarf in merino wool is both amusing and completely wearable — at least, in cool weather and possibly not around those of my vegan pals who tend to get queasy at the sight of meat.

By the way, if you just dropped in (hello there!) and you’re wondering what the heck all this pork-related nonsense is about, please do skip back to Virtual Collection: Bacon Bits – Part 1 for the explanation.

It’s as good an explanation as anyone’s likely to come up with… except maybe for Revison3′s Lil Internet Superstar:

But enough of that.
We’ve got loftier ambitions for our pork products!

Bacon in Art and Crafts

(I’m pretty sure that Bacon in Art is an actual Library of Congress catalog heading. Okay, maybe not, but I do remember filing something under Pigs in Art back in my summer-job-in-library days. And yes, it was filed correctly.)

Bacon, when raw, lends itself to weaving and shaping. Cook it and it holds its shape. What better craft material?

Instructables.com teaches you how to make your own fashion-forward bacon placemats, the inspiration for NotMartha.org’s famous bacon baskets and breadless BLT.

Or you can deconstruct your bacon for a home science experiment by making bacon soap (bacon-shaped soap molds not included), though the 2-week wait — to cure the added lye so it won’t burn your skin — may discourage all but the keenest of patient crafters from trying it.

Perhaps we’ll just admire the bacon artworks of others.

After all, even Salvador Dali thought that thin-sliced pork products were worth a place on canvas: one of his paintings was entitled Soft Self-Portrait with Fried Bacon, Basket of Bread… but then, of course, what else is to be expected of the surrealist who brought us melting clocks and Santiago el Grande?

The Bacon in Art torch is lifted high and carried on by the artists of Etsy.com, and here are a few of my current 2-dimensional favourites. (Click each little image to visit the artist’s Etsy shop and get more views and information.)

This is an 8″ x 10″ original acrylic painting… on panel. It was painted for the LA Weekly and appeared in their publication.

~ pamelajaeger

Ever see a cute little pig advertising for some BBQ joint? They don’t want to be there. Trust me.

~ waterbears

As an ‘artist/meatcutter’ I recognized the necessity for meat to be abstracted in order to be swallowed, therefore, it was natural for me to objectify meat and approach it with the same focus as my other still-life objects.

~ mgenomgeno

Title: yummy, sinful bacon, I love you

~ welcometothedoghouse

But the piece de resistance in Bacon Art is in the realm of sculpture:

John Ptak has the competition locked up, and the key was lost sometime back in World War II: that’s about when the fabled fat artist Fleiss created and prospered and wrote an astonishing pamphlet:

In the world of found book objects, few I think are as deeply removed and as deeply obscure as the work by Otto F. Fleiss called White Art in the Meat Food Business. A Practical Handbook for Butcher, Pork Stores, Restaurants, Hotels and Delicatessens on How to Make Lasting and Transferable White Art Decorations out of Bacon Fat Back for Window Displays, Ornaments on Meat Food Cold Buffets and for Exhibits and Advertising Purposes. Enrich yourself with Personal Knowledge.

It just kills me that the time is long past when an artisan could make his way in the world by crafting a perfect 200-pound cathedral entirely in white bacon fat.

Originally uploaded by semarr

I can’t recall exactly how this idea of a virtual Bacon Collection got started, but it was definitely on Twitter, and probably sparked by @surfingtrucker:

“Anyone tried chocolate covered bacon yet?”

But the blame/credit for the collection getting to its current fat status can be laid squarely at the feet of my Lovely and Talented Research Assistant, Diane.

“Saw this on boingboing and thought of you,” she tweeted one day, linking to a bacon bikini top. The fashion statement was in response to Al Can’t Hang‘s Bacon of the Month Competition — honestly, who could make these things up? — and you can enjoy the whole cooked-in-the-sun bacon bikini story at Loona.net.

But let’s back up a bit.

First came that chocolate-covered bacon. (Yeah, okay, guys — here’s a recipe: melted chocolate chips and a pound of bacon are the star ingredients; sprinkles are optional. Good now? Right, moving on!)

Then @LaptopForHire chipped in with chocolate chip pancakes and sausage on a stick. Not bacon, but it’s pork-related and disgusting — so kudos and 10 cholesterol points for playing!

Then @BlogWellDone claimed to have a friend who once made bacon-flavoured vodka. “The horror still makes me shudder,” he said. Um, yeah.

And @HeyDriver said something about a bacon cupcake (“well, it’s the frosting”) — and just check it out! Maple Bacon Cupcakes with Maple Frosting, by Garrett at VanillaGarlic:

After reading a bit about bacon baklava, bacon candy, and bacon ice cream, I knew a bacon cupcake was do-able, but still I was hesitant and approached this with some trepidation. It’s an outside-of-the-box cupcake, a breakfast cupcake, a cupcake for those who eat with no fear.

Which brings us back to the Lovely and Talented Research Assistant, Diane, who attempted to justify these excesses of Americian cuisine with RypTide’s Unified Theory of Bacon — scientific proof that concludes:

Therefore all food products’ deliciousness is increased by the addition of bacon, except for cheese which in turn increases the deliciousness of bacon.

“Want me to knit you a bacon scarf?” Diane asked.

Ooh, that’s tempting…

But maybe later, for Part 2 of this porcine parade, when we’ll exam the role of bacon in Arts and Crafts.

A little bit of bacon goes a long way…

If you love the taste of bacon but try to avoid it because of all that saturated fat, Bacon Pie is a quick and easy brunch idea that goes a long way to satisfy that bacon craving.

The recipe makes two pies, so it easily serves 6 people — but works out to only one slice of bacon for each. See? You can indulge a taste for bacon, without blowing a healthy diet!

Bacon Pie

5 – 6 slices of bacon, cooked (not too crisp)
Basic biscuit recipe (dry ingredients only — or 2 cups of a commercial biscuit mix)
¾ cup grated sharp cheddar cheese
½ tsp dry mustard
½ – ⅓ cup milk
1 egg
½ – ¾ cup plain yogurt

Pre-heat oven to 425°F. Grease two standard-sized pie plates (I use a bit of the bacon fat for this).

Combine the biscuit mix, grated cheese, mustard and milk to make a soft dough. Knead about 30 seconds on a lightly floured board. Divide the dough in half and spread each half into one of the greased pie plates.

Crumble the cooked bacon on top.

Combine the egg and yogurt, and spread this over the pies to cover the bacon.

Bake 15 minutes at 425°F.

Cut into wedges and serve warm.

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