You know how the other day I went on quite a bit about personal taste in decorating? And about how some people manage to pour all kinds of money into making their home look… well, quite hideous, really?

Cartoon: Robert Weber
The New Yorker, April 3, 1989
by permission

That whole discussion of “good taste” in the home has reminded me of this favourite cartoon from The New Yorker…

And who doesn’t like to poke a bit of fun at pretentious rich folks?

Well, other gaudy rich folks, maybe…

Afterthought #1:

Here’s a little travel tip for my fellow femmes:

If you’re travelling alone in North America, and you don’t want to be hassled by optimistic convention-going salesmen in hotel lounges or on long flights… I’d strongly recommend picking up a copy of The New Yorker and letting ‘em see you enjoying it.

Don’t ask me why — perhaps it’s the implication that you might be too intelligent and refined to look twice at any man who tries to get dates in an airport? — but it works like a charm!

Afterthought #2:

My uncle always used to say, of pretentious people who were rude to him, There ain’t no couth like uncouth!: I’m pretty sure that wasn’t original to him, so feel free to make it your own. In fact, I’d love to know who came up with that quip, if anyone happens to know…

… okay, that’s all I’ve got here.

Here’s one of the more sensible lots of parenting advice I’ve seen for ages. And I’m not just saying that because it was written by a friend. Sharon Hurley Hall truly knows whereof she speaks — she’s well-experienced at dining out with a very young child, and also one of the more down-to-earth people I’ve ever met online. Enjoy!

Say No to Mealtime Mayhem:
Eating Out With Your Baby or Toddler

by Sharon Hurley Hall

Many parenting books advise against eating out with young children. Their short attention span and need to be involved in everything will mean a nightmare for you, they say. They’re wrong. We eat out regularly with our two year old and have a wonderful time. Here are a few tips to make sure that you can do it too.

First of all, make sure you choose a family-friendly restaurant. Look out for easily accessible (and clean) high chairs, a willingness to warm milk, free bibs and baby food (available at some rest stops and motorway service stations) and entertainment for your child in the form of crayons and paper or a soft play area.

In case none of this is available, you need to take your entertainment with you. Crayons and paper, an etch-a-sketch or other drawing board toy and a couple of books are often enough to distract your child from any thoughts of mayhem.

Choose your time carefully. Ideally, you should arrive half an hour or so before your child’s regular mealtime, so that their food arrives on time. And don’t even think about going out when your child is already tired – you’ll be setting yourself up for the evening from hell.

Children are bad at waiting, so you’ll need a food backup in case your order is late. Pack a box of raisins or snack bar. Although you’re not supposed to take food from outside into eating establishments, if you politely explain that the alternative is a screaming child, they’ll definitely turn a blind eye.

When placing your order, ask for your child’s meal to be delivered first. That way, you can do any cutting up that’s required and start the feeding process early and you’ll be free to focus on your own meal when it arrives.

Make dining out interesting for your child. Talk about what you’re going to order; point out what waiters and waitresses are doing; take a tour of the salad bar; discuss whatever’s on the walls. Your child will be pleased to be included and won’t even think about having a meltdown.

Once you’ve finished your main meal, ask for your bill at the same time as dessert. You’ll want to make a quick getaway once you’ve demolished a sweet treat, because by then your little darling will be running out of patience.

We’ve been taking our daughter into restaurants before she could sit up. At first she was in a car seat, then a high chair, and now she can sit on a big chair (she’s very proud of that!) She can order her own food (with please and thank you) and talk about what’s happening. Don’t think she’s a paragon of virtue, because she’s not – she’s a very spirited two year old. But she enjoys eating out and generally behaves well enough for us to stay in the restaurant for an hour and a half or more. Since the parenting books claim that half an hour is pushing it, we don’t think that’s half bad. Why don’t you try it, too?

Sharon Hurley Hall is a freelance writer, ghostwriter and editor. Sharon worked in publishing for 18 years, writing articles and editing and designing books and magazines. She has also lectured on journalism. For more information or to contact Sharon, visit sharonhh.com/