Full moon, clear skies, cold weather. Bitterly cold, like minus-38° Celcius bitterly cold with the windchill… far too cold for me to even think about trying to convert to Fahrenheit for my American friends.

Let’s just say it’s cold enough — if I may be so indelicate and unladylike (which I damn well may, because it’s that cold) — it’s cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey. So, naturally, I’ve spent the evening scoping the Interweb for a brass monkey — just to test the truth of the old adage. Lots of the cute and morally improving See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil monkey trio to be found… but none of them seem to be anatomically correct.

Brass Monkey Freeze Indicator statueAnd then, and then, this!  Look, Ma — hat tip to our buddies at Weather Scoop, who spotted it first — it’s a genuine Brass Monkey Freeze Indicator!

Made of gleaming solid brass,  this monkey stands six inches tall and comes with the necessary physical equipment to test the winter weather.

How fast it works depends on how cold it is. If Part B is still attached to Part A, then the environment is probably not dangerously cold. But if Part B is detached from Part A then the environment is below 23 degrees Fahrenheit, which is cold enough to…

… you know what.

Rect Banner Ad SoftRock Pillows - Horiz 900x278

What, only 23°Fahrenheit? Wait, that’s, umm, minus-5°C — a lovely spring day! Well, make allowances: the brass monkey’s created in steamy Texas, not a tough Canadian primate at all. (But I still want one.)

This Post Has 5 Comments

  1. Amanda Nicole

    THANK YOU for this much-needed laugh.

    And here in Vancouver, we are sitting at a sparkling -2C at 8am. Sorry.

  2. Annie

    Okay, I think the cold is beginning to ament you fectily!!!!!

  3. domestika

    The guy on the local TV weather forecast, just this minute, said “Brass monkeys all over the region!”

    Pinhole & Mitch, so glad you guys liked the ape… I do strive to bring you joy.

  4. Mitch

    Oh. My. Gawd.
    This was the most hilarious post I’ve seen all week.
    The Goddess is Keepin’ it Real!

    Thanks for the leaky eyeballs and stitched love-handles.



  5. Pinhole


Leave a Reply