Gloves in a Bottle

Years ago, a mad inventor in my neighbourhood came up with a hand lotion he just knew would make his fortune. He gave me a bottle of the stuff to try out — and I loved it. Okay, so it was a bit sticky when it first went on, and I think he needed to tweak the formula a bit to get it just right — but I loved how it protected my hands, just like a pair of invisible gloves.

I hoarded that lotion, frankly. Refused to share. Used it stingily to make that one bottle last… Good thing, too, because the mad inventor crashed and burned on the rocks of his complex personal life, and abandoned the project.

The beauty of his product was that it was a shielding lotion rather than a moisturizer. Basically, it formed an invisible barrier to protect the skin from all the nasty irritants that contact a busy pair of hands in daily life. Perfect for gardeners, cooks, and crafts people…

I missed that mad inventor’s product, desperately.

More recently, I’ve been using a excellent if pricey lotion called SkinMD Natural (a review sample from the company that makes it). It was a shielding lotion and super-dooper moisturizer in one — lovely stuff!

But when that bottle was used up… I went right back to my usual cavalier “skincare regimen” — the one where I refuse to wear clumsy hot gloves, no matter what the task, yet put my poor hands into daily contact with everything from hot peppers to ancient stacks of paper, from thistles to weather-roughened garden tool handles, from dish-washing liquid to paint and nasty solvents.

Yeah, I know — dumb.

Sample Fairy to the rescue!

Last week, my Postal Person brought a new magic shielding lotion, just what my hands were crying out for.

Gloves in a Bottle is a lot like SkinMD Natural (though it’s from an entirely different company, I’m told), only with the traditional glycerine instead of a mysterious new high-tech humecant in its ingredients.

That means it’s affordable, even for a cheapskate (thrifty person) like me — $12.95 for an 8-ounce bottle — and a very small amount goes a very long way, and lasts about 4 hours.

Hypoallergenic and non-toxic, too, with no strong scent to make me sneeze.

And it isn’t sticky, like the product I got from the mad inventor guy.

Best of all, Gloves in a Bottle does exactly what I want it to do — puts a fine barrier between my poor mistreated hands and the harsh, harsh world.

Want to know the best real-world test I’ve found for a shielding lotion?

Put on the lotion, then cut up enough onions to make a French onion soup, a shepherd’s pie, and Cornish pasties for six. Go outside and weed the tiger lilies, making no effort to avoid skin-contact with that peculiar orange-brown pollen that stains like a commercial dye. Come in again, wash hands, then do the dishes.

Through all of this, be sure to wear no gloves.

I did just that.

And guess what? My hands don’t smell like onions, they aren’t stained orange-brown, and they aren’t itching from that cheap nasty no-name washing-up liquid I bought in a temporary fit of excessive frugality. What more could a poor abused pair of busy hands ask for?

No more waiting for sample fairies and mad inventors to save me — when this sample of Gloves in a Bottle runs out, I do believe that I’m going to go right out and buy me some more of the stuff.